Holidays 2015 Edition – A Wholesome and Bustling Break

December 28, 2015

This is a special edition right in the holiday season for 2015. It features 2 separate meets with an old flame that didn’t quite spark due to geographic situations. Szabo! The wonderful experience from December 2014!

During the date 3:

Due to time constraint, we decided to do lunch near his workplace. I picked a rustic farm to table restaurant in the area.

I picked a sweet sweater with a bold necklace.

Conversation revolved around travels during the year. We both did a recap of each of our years without really locking in on a subject. Lunch quickly came to a conclusion.


We split the bill and he recommended a place for me to grab a cup of coffee. He asked how long I’d be in town for and I agreed it would be lovely to see him before I leave.

It was a newly opened cafe and I loved the space. I ended up chatting with the manager/owner for 20 minutes about different cities we’ve both visited.

Quick but great date.

During the date 4:

This one was a confusion one. He mentioned inviting friends over for dinner and invited me. I heartily agreed to go, thinking that this location would lead to something more. After some hiccups from deciding to host a dinner on Christmas day, he said he would be going to a friend’s apartment instead and invited me. Hesitant (but Szabo is so cute!), I agreed.

I show up and there are 2 people at this gathering, Szabo and his friend. We ended up chatting for a few hours and it was lovely. We talked about plants, tv shows, and travels.

Szabo mentioned he should get going and I followed suit. He offered to drive me to the closest train station. It dawned on me that no physical relations would develop. As he pulled up to the station, I /had/ to ask him why he had invited me and wondered this was not a continuation from the dates last December. It turns out he met someone. (Looking back, it makes sense, he stopped checking his online dating profile a month ago and afterwards, I saw he’d deleted it.) He invited me out because it would’ve been nice to hangout.

It made sense to me that moment and my hopes were dashed.



As I sat on the train home, feeling disappointed, a big silver lining appeared. The excitement and subsequent disappointment I had was something I hadn’t felt in a few months since the end of Shatner. It was wonderful to feel that new excitement again!

With regards to Szabo, perhaps I will see him in a month when I return for a wedding and perhaps I will see him when he visits his sister who just moved to this city. Whether I see him or not, I’m content with that he seems to genuinely like me as a person. I’m also content that I like him for his laugh (this deep good-natured laugh), his hugs (warm and inviting), and his overall attractiveness (tall and good-looking in a soft-spoken way). I’m happy I got to meet him these few times.


Recap of Univers (Date 2)

December 1, 2015

Thanksgiving weekend. He spent most of it with family. He came up with the idea to have a late lunch in Napa. How lovely, I was looking forward to going to Napa.

During the date:


He picked me up from my apartment and we headed to the wonderful city an hour away north. Napa was great, the leaves were actually turning color! I had forgotten it was fall!

Food was nice. A French bistro with a rustic classy feel. On the drive there and over food, we chatted more about his company/work, market trends, investing strategies. After dinner, we went for a short stroll before heading back to the warm car. Conversation flowed as we sat in the car getting more toasty.


I think the physical chemistry is growing slightly. However, I’m not sure… I can’t deny it’s nice to be driven to great places but I do not have an instant attraction to him.

I’m not sure about this one. It’s not a no but not an enthusiastic yes either. More data is needed. Though on his side, he seems to be quite interested.

Recap of Lamarche (Date 1)

November 30, 2015

This one I went in deciding it would be an unlikely match based on his profile and our chats. I figured why not, try something new.

During the date:

We met up at a old-timey cafe near my apartment. The cafe was lovely.

Lamarche is a med student midway through his studies. We had a lot to talk about. I was fascinated by his studies and the current trend in medicine/healthcare. We talked about biology, medicine (east vs west), placebo effect, US healthcare system. I felt like I had learned a lot from our conversation.

After 2/3 hours, I wanted to get onto studying so we wrapped up the date.


The conversation was great but there was zero chemistry/attraction. I think on both sides too. He mentioned to do this again sometime but it’s been a day and half and I haven’t heard from him. Safe to say, unlikely to see this one again.


Going on dates has been great for my getting to know my own neighbourhood. First the lookout point on Univers date 1 and now this great cafe that’s a short 5-10 minute walk from me!

Recap of GovGen (Date 2)

November 26, 2015

The next weekend, we set on going biking together. It had been a while since I had biked but I figured why not? Do something active for once.

During the date:

It was strange, I was 10-15 minutes late ran into him walking out of the cafe (our meeting point). He said he was about to leave as he didn’t think I was going to show up. It’s strange to me since I let him know I was a bit late. Anyway, I let that go and we went about biking.

This was physical! We biked along the water and then cross Golden Gate bridge. The uphill part was very challenging. He seemd to be doing well while I was struggling to keep up. We chatted as I struggled.

This date was more tangible. We talked about families, past relationships (briefly), and some views on relationships. I felt like I have a better understanding of this person.


My conclusion unfortunately didn’t change. I didn’t see myself with this person. He still is physically attractive, very athletic. But I just… didn’t feel mentally attracted to him.

My takeaways:

I decided that I would be open to physical progress with him but like before, mentally, it didn’t click.

Recap of GovGen (Date 1)

November 24, 2015

GovGen is very good at replying texts! We had been messaging back and forth over a week or two and decided to meet up. I’ve been super busy at work so we did a sunday eventing at a quiet place near work.

During the date:

We had some confusion about where to go and I was on the verge of leaving when he finally showed up. Turns out he wasn’t sure I was going to show.

First impression, he’s cute! Very athletic guy with athletic interests. Growing up in an eastern european background, he seemed very European. He was hungry and I didn’t feel like having much so he had most of the pizza. We talked about our lives and our jobs. He shared his foray into adventure sports and I shared mine on the rural trains of northern Spain.


I found him physically attractive but we didn’t click. I love to share my interest in comedy but he didn’t have that. It feels unfair to hold that against him but I want someone with whom I can laugh together. We didn’t have the same sense of humor.

My takeaways:

I decided that I wouldn’t mind seeing him again but it was unlikely anything would develop with him.

Shatner (the epilogue)

November 23, 2015


We moved to a new city across the country at the same time and things were going well, until they weren’t anymore. I was going through a tough week at work and pushed him to spend more time together but he was starting his new job. He had other priorities and in October, a few months after first meeting, he told me that he didn’t see long term potential with me.

I felt more strongly about him than anyone ever before. I cared for him and accepted him for who he was. For a while, it felt like I knew I found someone special and was just waiting for him to realized that about me. He never did.

He ended things on a park bench. He offered to stay with me until I have my affairs together at work etc but the staunch pride in me did not even consider it.

It sucked, especially that first weekend. I couldn’t get him out of my head. I leaned on the support of my loved ones and they were so amazing to me. I went out with friends the next weekend and tried to distract myself. More than a month later, I still find myself thinking about him and dreamt about him twice last week. It has become a dulled longing.

I’ve gotten a lot better but that last 10-15% of recovery has just stalled. I had some wonderful memories with him. It is still difficult on some days but much better than the first weekn when I would go to the bathroom to let out tears.

I’m grateful for the memories and this has been a chance for me to organize my thoughts. I’ve never felt so deeply about someone before. It was wonderful but I wish next time my affections would be returned.

I read that in the beginning, we would have these long conversations on the phone and I would get the “how was your day” texts. Towards the end, that did not happen anymore. After seeking the advice of a very wise friend, I realized that that what I was wanting from him. I didn’t feel fulfilled.

I liked him a lot and he didn’t feel the same. Life happens. Dissappointing. I’m grateful to have those memories though. Certain parts of it was really wonderful. He made my New York experience so much better.

Recap of Univers (Date 1)

November 21, 2015

The same weekend as GovGen. We met up at a lovely italian place near my apartment. We were supposed to meet up before but timing didn’t work out.

During the date:

We went to this wonderful hole in the wall italian place on a sunday evening. First impression, Univers talks a lot. He could talk years about finance. He also speaks very quickly.

We touched on a large variety of topics, financial history, economic cycles, current trends in the market, our jobs, some travels, briefly on dating topics.

Food was quite good though there was a lot of it.

After the restaurant, we went for a walk up to a lookout with a beautiful view of the city. I passed that street frequently but never realized how nice it was until seeing it this particular evening.


I admire his pursuit of knowledge. I haven’t made up my mind about this one yet. Let’s see where this goes.

Update on Shatner (Date 2 – 10?)

July 11, 2015

Over the last few weeks, I’ve seen Shatner 2-3 times a week so it’s been probably around 10 dates. We would do something light on the weekday and spend more time together on the weekend. He knows I’m moving across the country in a few months. In some ways, it has been an elephant in the room. On the other hand, we haven’t had any talks about what we are to each other. So why not define it here?

Who is he to me: He is a cluster of great qualities. There’s a goodness about him, he is easy going, optimistic, smart, confident, funny, and caring. I like that I’ll receive a “how’s your day text” regularly.

I show affection and receive(?) affection by spending time with other people. That’s one of my more dominant love languages. The fact that I agreed to seeing him on weekdays signals a lot of positivity towards him. Earlier this week, we spent an hour talking on the phone at night. It made for a very tired Friday but all was fine.

In summary, it’s been very good with Shatner. He is great and I’ve matured to allow myself to be vulnerable.

Recap of Pericles (Date 1)

July 11, 2015

Pericles seemed very interested in me though that might just be his romantic nature. We set up a quick coffee date since we’ve been chatting for a while and he seemed interesting.

During the date:

I had 3 hours of sleep the previous night and was in the middle of my moving apartment when we decided on coffee in the afternoon. We talked briefly about our backgrounds/experiences. I spoke of my camino and he of his home country.

He seemed like a guy who had stuff figured out and he clearly liked me. On my side, I was blinded by exhaustion and just wrapped up something with Shatner.


He was very understanding of my exhaustion and wrapped things up after a half hour if that. We hugged and bid farewell. I went home, napped, and then started my move.

My takeaways:

It’s been a couple weeks since we met for coffee and we are still occasionally texting. I expect we won’t meet up again due to busy weekends for the both of us. Although he seems like a great guy, I find myself veering back to Shatner. More on him later.

Recap of Shatner (Date 1)

June 23, 2015

Between Hesse and Shatner, I took a weekend to be on my own. I realized sometimes I made plans with friends so I wouldn’t be alone. What’s so bad about being alone? I spent the weekend watching orange is the new black. Alright, so I cheated a little. It wasn’t so scary and I am happy for my decision.

During the date:

We met up for coffee after a very exhausting work week. I wasn’t sure if I got the right person. He was shorter than I am which is very uncharacteristic of my usual choices. What was I think? (This reflects negatively on me but I distinctly remember rolling my eyes at some point in the beginning) I agreed to meet the guy so lets grab the coffee anyway. Make a new friend!

That cup of coffee stretched 2 hours. Afterwards, we walked along the west side highway and chatted along the pier. Our conversation jumped all over the place. We talked about books, our travels, school, some work, improv, relationships, outlooks on life/relationships, intimacy, more travels.


He put his hand on my back and I kissed him. We walked a little more and and bid farewell after a 4 hour first meet. Afterwards, we made plans to see each other again though I intended on following up with it.

My takeaways:

He had a way about him that I can only describe as effortless confidence. Kindness didn’t jump out but I found myself trusting him quite easily.

I wonder if we’ll run out of things to talk about quickly, we’ve already covered so much! I think I see a good-natured recklessness about him.